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The Rules for 'Nice Guys'How many times need we sabotage our relationships before we finally accept the fact that there are certain behaviours, despite the fact they are considered 'good', which only serve to weaken our position and ultimately result in heartache? It's time we all took a page from popular female dogma and invented our own "Rules". Why is it when we think we've done everything in our power to be accommodating with our partners, things just don't seem to work out? We let things go, we let them have their way, we are very affectionate and call all the time, we constantly tell them we love them, we go out of our way to cater to all their desires and then they dump you. The simple fact of the matter is that human nature is such that the perceived value of an article is directly proportional to the effort associated with its acquisition. If your girlfriend is feeling that she definitely is secure in your relationship, and that she need do little to retain your affection, her eye will begin to wander as she will instinctively seek more challenging men. This is a natural reaction that has been genetically programmed into the female of the species. Women will automatically seek the best possible genetic materials to utilize in the creation of offspring. They instinctively feel that if your genes are easily acquired, chances are, with a little effort, she could obtain "better" ones. Another factor in this equation is the gender based vocational paradigm shift. As over the last few decades, in western society at least, women have become autonomous financially, more options have opened to them in mate selection. Physical attractiveness has become significantly more important to females than a mere 20 years ago. As a result, those among us who in past would have had little difficulty obtaining a suitable mate by virtue of our ability to provide, are being beaten in the dating game by young 'pretty boys' who often have no desire other than merely to sleep with the object of our desire. How is it then that we may compete and win? Before we get started enumerating the principles which will lead to increased longevity in our relationships, let me first state that, while they will work for many, they're not for everyone. I personally have some difficulty with the fact that employing them is tantamount at the least to playing games and at most, to emotional fraud - but as I feel the same way about the original female oriented version, here goes: 8 Platinum Rules in Maintaining Relationships for "Nice Guys"1. Don't call her every day. You don't want her to think you're hooked - especially right away! Here's a good sample schedule: Monday: You've gone on a date the Saturday just past and haven't called Sunday - give her a call… don't ask her out. Tuesday: no contact Wednesday: no contact Thursday: Call her - but keep it casual… let her ask you out, but don't ask her. Friday: No contact or send email depending on how things are going - keep it light… forward a joke or something Saturday: Call and ask her out for this evening. If she's busy, (perhaps she's using The Rules on you) don't say "oh… well, what about tomorrow night" or something similar. Just say, "Oh, ok. Maybe I'll give you a call sometime next week then ..." This leaves the ball in her court. If she's really interested, she'll cave or make an alternative suggestion. If she gives an alternative see #3 - but don't be obviously difficult. Sunday: If you've gone out the night before, send her an email telling her you had a good time etc… if it went especially well, SEND FLOWERS - and then, don't call for at least two days after she has called to thank you for them.  |
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